For those of you who have stuck it out: thank you. You rock!
Now, let me bring you up to speed....
After my grandmother passed at New Years it knocked me for six. I'm sure lots of people experience that utter loss of bearings when someone so close to you passes. It takes a while to get back to normal.
For me, it triggered an episode of anxiety. I've never experienced such a big panic attack as I did that day I went back to work, but it was truthfully THE most terrifying experience of my life to date. No lies. Your heart is racing, you're convinced you're going to die, you're sweating, crying, out of your mind with an un-named worry.