Raining? Of course!
Running shorts on? Check.
Feeling great? Well....
When I started this whole saga, I didn't realise how much I'd change as a
person. I also never counted on the things that have yet to change. 9 weeks
into the C25K training programme and I'm due my final run of the programme in
about 1 hour and 13 minutes. Is it raining? Of course it is, I live in the UK.
Is that going to stop me? Pfft.
I NEVER thought I'd be out running in the rain. Or when it was windy. Hell, I
didn't think I'd be running when it was dry, sunny, hot, cold, just warm enough
or spitting but here I am. I am a survivor. Right? Because that is one of the
lessons that all of this has taught me. It has taught me that actually I CAN
stick to a plan. I CAN motivate myself. I CAN DO THIS.
Just this morning I had one of "those" mornings. The kind of morning where
you get up and realise that everything you've worked for means nothing, your
progress is crap and you should just give up and curl back up under your duvet.
And you know what. It was JUST one of those mornings. My amazing friends helped
me through it, and by lunchtime I felt back on track. Maybe not where I want to
be, but pretty darn close.
Nobody here will know how much of an achievement that is in itself. Not till
I tell you all about it, going into gory details about the period of my life
where I just wanted to die. Where every day was one of those days and all of
the amazing things I had in my life just felt like dust. You won't know how
long I spent crying. Sleeping. Hiding. You won't know I didn't leave the house
for 6 months. Not till I tell you all about it. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe people
will look at me funny - right? But how can I explain to you guys how far you
can come? How far you can rise up above yourself. Every day is a fight - a
fight to be the best you can be, to make the most out of your day. For me,
everyday used to be a fight just to want to stay alive.
This is MORE than just losing some fat off of my body. This is a pitched
war, that I am going to win. Turf that I am going to reclaim, sweat drop by
sweat drop, minute by minute. This war will probably never be over, it will be
a fight for the rest of my life. If you'd asked me a year ago whether it was
worth it? I'd say no.
Is it worth it? Hell yes.
In one hour and 33 minutes I'm pretty sure I will be crowing. I will have
done it. I'd have completed c25k.
Believe in you, because I do. Every day I run a little further away from that
disappointed, dispirited, depressed woman in the mirror. Every day I run closer
to my family, my friends and towards life.