Well, this week has seen new highs and new lows.

Yesterday saw my DH sitting on my back trying to give me enough weight to do meaningful "Donkey Calf Raises".

The man weighs nothing though and it was a bust. On the plus side I proved I could squat him...

The day before saw me sneaking a "cheeky treat" of bread, butter and jam. I mean what has it come to when THAT's the highlight of your day?!

When I posted this up on my MFP wall I got several comments from buddies who have found the same thing. One that tickled me was a friend who'd let herself have a piece of toast because "it'd been a hard week". Lol.

Still, the bread and jam must have given me super secret special powers because I bust out THREE pull ups in a row (yayah) and I'm all about angling for my fourth now!

One major high of this week was a realisation that hit me on Wednesday. I was talking to DH and MIL about my fitness journey and that it's been  a tough few weeks with everything going on. The next question (I should have been waiting for it) was "well, why don't you give yourself a break? I mean, why do you even feel like you need to lose more weight?".

And there it was. Now usually the answer would have been something along the lines of "well, because I'm still too fat". Not me, not anymore. What was my answer? I paused, I knew that it's no longer purely the asthetics of my body driving this. Time for the truth to out. "I want to lose more BODY FAT because I want to be stronger. I want to be able to do more pull-ups, I want to be able to be strong enough with a high muscle:body fat ratio so I can pole effectively. I want to PERFORM better".

It's not about losing weight to look good. It's about losing body fat so that I can perform at an optimum level. Yes, it'll be awesome to LOOK ripped but more importantly I want to be able to progress onto more advanced pole moves, I want to be able to build muscles and I want to be able to do MORE.

Epiphany if there ever was one!

So, how is my quest for lower body fat going? I hear you ask.

Well...

Physical

Total loss of 5cm from bust, stomach, hips and thighs. Largest loss goes to my "tummy" (the widest part of my abdomen) with a 1.2cm loss. Not going to argue with that ;) The top of my hips also show a similar loss of 1.2cm so here's to hoping that the fat is on the run :D

Photos show some progress, getting some of the fat off my waist and tummy....finally :D

Scales

The scales don't play nice. And this illustrates the importance of taking photos and keeping measurements. Ostensibly my weight has actually INCREASED to 158Ibs, but as you can see in both the photos and measurements my body is telling a different story. Don't rely on the scales. They lie. Nasty little things ;)

TOP BODY TIP:

Take regular measurements and photos. The scales don't only reflect fat loss, they reflect water loss/gain, muscle loss/gain and sometimes even carpet loss/gain (yeah, make sure your scales are on a flat surface :p).

Food

I'd like to say the cravings for cakes, doughnuts, croissants, chocolate have gone. They haven't. I've purposely been trying to keep away from the sweet stuff as it's a bit of a achilles heel for me, but I did have enough calories to fit a cookie into my macros for the day on Friday. It was....well, just delicious ;) The whole thing was surprisingly almost too sweet for me, but the doughy-ness and the chocolate *drools*. It was pretty darn good :D

To make up for my RELENTLESS sweet tooth I've been all over the creativeness with food. In fact, it's becoming so that I have to eat enough protein daily to feel full. That's got to be worth something. I have a new vegetarian, high protein experiment for y'all which will be published this week and I'm concocting more, almost edible things in my kitchen ;)

My fave food right now?

100g greek yoghurt (I'm liking the Fage 2%)
18g jam (pref cherry)
25g protein balls (I get them from myprotein.com)
8g drinking chocolate (or you can sub choc protein shake here).

Voila.....almost black forest gateaux...sort of. Oh alright it's no cake but it's very yummy :D 

Do you have any low kcal, high protein recipes that satisfy a sweet tooth?!

Sadly the front and side ones were too dark to really get a comparison, but I'm pleased to see some change in the back photos!

I’ve been following Craig Carpuso’s 30 day cut. 6 days a week in the gym, weights, HIIT + low intensity steady state cardio. In other words, killer workout plan. Every day this week has had a different area of me aching, but it’s been good. For years I’ve meant to separate out my workouts but until now it’s never been so clearly split. 

(you can check it out here: 30 days out)

I may or may not, however, been able to get myself in and out of gym clothes. The beauty of gym clothes, especially lycra stylie ones are that they’re flush to your skin so that they don’t get in the way, but stretchy enough that you’re able to move without getting yourself caught on your trousers halfway into a split. The downside to this is that when you’re aching like you’ve personally removed your muscles from your body and left them in the freezer overnight to get all stiff it can be ….. awkward, to get into (and especially OUT of) such tightly fitting clothing. And by awkward I mean you may as well be in a cubicle in the swimming changing rooms having just had a swim and you’re all clammy. Or when you’re in a REALLY hot shop and have selected a top that is at LEAST a size too small and is now stuck over your boobs/shoulders and you feel like you may never get the damn thing back off. 

Speaking of…wearing glasses and a headset type Walkman whilst trying to get a small-moderately neck sized hoodie/jumper over your head is an equal conundrum. Do you take the glasses off and risk dropping them? Or does the Walkman go? Do you hook it round your neck and get the top stuck there rather than round your head? And WHY do I always choose to do this before I get off the cross trainer?? I can’t balance on the darn things. I’ve never been able to balance on them – why would I suddenly get the gift when I have a hoodie wrapped round my head, with one ear sticking out, one ear bent over and my glasses crammed into my sinuses?! 

Scales: 

Let’s not talk about the scales. It’ll just upset them because I have NOTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT THEM. 

Food: 

Oh. Food. 

Recently the highlight of my day has been a “milky bar yoghurt” that I’ve saved especially to have after my protein packed lunch. I don’t normally encourage strict dieting, but it’s time to strip some body fat and to do that, I’ve got to make some changes. 


The downside to this is that I have been nearly non-stop hangry. On top of that I’ve been plain emotional from all of the goings on and on top of that I had my rage filled, kill something, kick something else TOM day during the last week. It wasn’t safe to be in the house. 


So, protein is IN and carbs and calories are being reduced. I’ve rationalised this week’s change as “well, it’s just one less slice of bread every day” although in the depths of gnawing hunger (post-gym having been too lazy to make my own food and too hangry to accept food from DH), with the cat meowing at my feet having just dropped a half-eaten bowl of greek yoghurt and goodness knows what my DH had left on the side all over my feet it was more along the lines of “DAMMIT I’M STARVING AND NO ONE CARES. MY LIFE IS NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN. I HAAAAAATE MY LIFE” (I may tend to the dramatic during HANGER pangs). Cue cat removal and hubby silence. A cheese sandwich was shortly deposited on my desk by a hand that was quickly removed lest it get taken in the feeding frenzy that followed.


Disclaimer: nowt wrong with carbs but for me I find that increasing the protein content of my meals helps me drop weight (less water storage, less resultant glycogen storage and protein does have high satiety factor than carbs - a bit like fat does - meaning you eat less). Plus I'm a total carb fiend - years of being a lazy ass vegetarian!


So yeah, food is going well….I’m learning a lot about what has good nutritional value and what does not. Also what to do with egg whites. Getting lots of education on that… 

TOP foodie TIP? 
Drink 1 scoop of protein powder + however much water you like to add in for consistency (I use about 150ml/scoop) before you eat. Works on the same principle as drinking a glass of water before you eat, making you feel fuller, but it's also a nice protein hit before you eat - protein is great for satiety and the liquid fills a spot meaning you're not quite as insistent on overeating however hard done by you feel on the carb front (which for me is VERY VERY VERY :p)


 


 

It's been seven days.

Seven days since a light passed out of this world. 

Seven days since the woman who taught me to fight for the things I believe in left me. Left US.

Seven days ago, my grandmother left this world. She'd been ill for a long time - diabetes induced complications at the beautiful old age of 89 but the shock is no less. She's gone.

My grandmother was a driving force in my life. Those of you who have known me a long time know that my grandparents raised me from the age of about 10, when my parents split up.

My grandmother taught me about periods. She taught me about boys. She taught me how to cheat at cards (and get away with it with nothing more than brassing it out). She taught me how to bake (she was horrified at my disinterest in cooking "proper"). She taught me how to sew, how to budget, how to accept.

She was the most wonderfully un-prejudiced person. She taught me to LOVE.

She was stubborn, kind, feisty, wonderful and beyond a shade of doubt absolutely maddening. I  loved her.

I've spent the past 7 days in an absolutely shell shocked disbelief. Even now, writing this, I'm torn between that burning sensation in my throat which means I'm going to cry and the inability to accept she's not with us any more. Nothing has struck me more than the absolute soul draining physical nature of grief. It's tiring. It leaves you shaking. It leaves you numb.

I've veered between hysterics (sorry about that call Amber) at finding letters she'd written to me when I was at university, to dull acceptance of this.....pain.

So. My friends. Here is a tribute to a wonderful woman. I'm not a religious person but please spare a thought for a life that was full, lived and loved. Spare a thought for the lives left behind, for the lives that will go on. Spare a thought for your own lives, your own families because nothing has hit me as much as the finality of life. We have it, then it's gone. 

So what are we going to do with it?

As it's an apt time to be thinking of new starts, new lives, new things I'm asking myself whether I am HAPPY. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to achieve? What would I do if I had to start all over again? What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?

They're pertinent questions. What would YOU do if you knew you couldn't fail?