Often we skip over these things, maybe because we think people don't want to know about them, or because we want to focus on the GOOD things that happen.
They're both good reasons, one should never dwell in the moments that leave you feeling like you're not enough, that you're too insubstantial to do a good job, whether it's at home, at work, during a workout, with your kids, with your pets, partners, friends; but nethertheless, they still make up an important narrative to our stories.
People fail. Sometimes miserably. I like to joke that I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions, since I make BAD decisions. I make. Bad. Decisions. And I don't do it small scale. Nope. I am a professional. I go in, I fuck up, I DO THE JOB RIGHT.
You might imagine that this has left me often at a cripplingly pointless or painful crossroad. Damn right it has but all of this, it's all part of a larger story that involves a person navigating a life.
It can feel like you're alone, navigating through waters that aren't clear but you're not. Everyone fucks up. Sometimes big, sometimes small. Sometimes we even get it on video....
Anyway. I wanted to tell you about today.
Today I've posted up on my various accounts things like "so proud, quad definition coming in", "oh what an amazing workout, yes, I'm pumped".
Bah. I was in a BAD mood today.
I got to the gym and immediately found a new level of blasphemy, someone was doing yoga in the squat rack. Next time you see someone doing curls there be grateful ;)
She went on to skip just in front of it, which not only made accessing the rack itself impossible but also lead to a rather interesting game of "will I get smacked in the face by that skipping rope" when I was collecting plates.
I've never had good timing.
Then there was another person who kept on intruding on my personal space. Can you imagine. Every time I moved up a bit, he'd move so that he was almost touching me again. And he had bad form.
Then the girls who I swore were laughing at my ungainly, oddly fluffy body....
I felt like I was "failing". I always try to maintain a positive view of the world, but it wasn't happening.
I was in a bad mood.
I was the problem.
There is always going to be someone who irritates you, unless you're one of those incessantly happy people and then that person is you....I'm kidding. Well. Maybe. Maybe not, you'll never know.
How YOU perceive the world. How you percieve your SUCCESS. That's ALL up to you. No one can tell you whether you're doing well or not. Whether you're successful or not. That is something YOU decide.
I almost walked out of the gym feeling like I would have to cover up my "poor" session by a fake, insincere "happy" smile, but you know what? I kicked ass today.
Behind every success there is a much wider narrative, made up of fails, mistakes, poor judgement and everything in between. Every Instagram feed that shows our successes doesn't show the same errors, the things that bring us to our knees. What is important is that you get back up, and just keep trying. Keep trying until you get there.
Recognise your accomplishments, recognise your faults and be honest with yourself. Every day isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows, but there is sunshine and rainbows to be found somewhere in every day. Don't give up looking.
Have you had an "epic fail" moment recently? How did you handle it?