"The trouble is, you think you have time"
- Buddha (or not...)
A quote often attributed to Buddha, but one that is actually thought to be a summary of Buddhist teachings as understood by author Jack Kornfield in his book "Buddha's little instruction book".
Regardless, it's one of my favourite quotes, and after a bit of searching I found it's a rather beautiful shortening of this quote:
- Carlos Castaneda
Truthfully, I have not posted because I've felt like a fraud. I have been struggling through the past few months, wading through stomach-deep darkness. Every step has taken effort.
Sometimes, it felt like waves were crashing over my head, stopping me from breathing, from progressing, from moving, but after this tsunami of hopelessness, the "darkness" seems to be washed away for a while - leaving me to breathe and blossom and move a little for the next couple of weeks.
Essentially, I've had a year of PMS from HELL and it's getting in the way of my life.
The bravery was in moving forward, no matter what.”
― Lauren Oliver, Panic
I initially sat down to lament on my day today - it's been one of "those" days. I can NOT stop eating chocolate. I'm bloated. I have a headache. I feel nauseated and I am CRANKY.
Sitting here though, reflecting, searching through quotes and thinking about what I need to say has helped me re-prioritise my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, when it's like this, everything can get lost in the "haze" of grumpiness but this exercise has proven to clear the air a bit, and let me think about things more objectively.
I have been off path. I haven't exercised in two days, and I haven't maintained a consistent exercise plan for the past couple of weeks. My eating blows BUT, I can see it for what it is. It's a comma, not a full stop. There's no need to wallow in my self-pity and Nutella (I wouldn't mind wallowing in Nutella) because you know what? In a few days I'll feel "normal" again. Writing this, admitting to my truth and seeing it for what it is has cracked open the cloudy, hazy, miserable shell of super PMS and has let me see MYSELF for the first time this week.
I haven't written here in months because I haven't had anything positive to say. I haven't felt able to rustle up enough faux-positivity to be motivational and for that, to my friends and readers, I apologise. While DoPA isn't intended to be a litany of how awful things are, it was NEVER intended to be a place of insincerity - that doesn't do me, or you, justice.
So here's to talking about mental health issues, the good days, the bad days and everything in between.
- Michael Althsuler