Feeling guilty for not working out? For eating too much? For taking a break?
It might feel like you’ve done something wrong — but that feeling isn’t as straightforward as it seems.
Humans didn’t evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive. And for most of human history, survival depended on staying part of a group. Being accepted meant safety. Being excluded could mean real danger.
Guilt plays a role in that system. It helps regulate behaviour by nudging us back in line when we feel we’ve broken a rule - especially social ones. If you took too much, didn’t contribute, or behaved unpredictably, guilt pushed you to correct that before it threatened your place in the group.
The problem is that your brain still uses this system today - even when the “rules” aren’t actually about survival.
It might feel like you’ve done something wrong — but that feeling isn’t as straightforward as it seems.
Humans didn’t evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive. And for most of human history, survival depended on staying part of a group. Being accepted meant safety. Being excluded could mean real danger.
Guilt plays a role in that system. It helps regulate behaviour by nudging us back in line when we feel we’ve broken a rule - especially social ones. If you took too much, didn’t contribute, or behaved unpredictably, guilt pushed you to correct that before it threatened your place in the group.
The problem is that your brain still uses this system today - even when the “rules” aren’t actually about survival.
How does this apply to fitness?
Well, our brain treats commitments like social contracts - even if they're only with ourselves. It's like saying "yeah, well we agreed to it, now we have to do it".
Of course it doesn't work that way, you might not work out because you're not feeling well, or because something popped up and adding guilt to that doesn't work - I mean, seriously, has having that heavy feeling of guilt EVER worked for you long term to get you to do something?
I know it hasn't for me. What's worse is, is that that negative feeling gets "tagged" as a workout feeling... which means when you think about working out, you feel badly about it. You end up shooting yourself in the foot over and over again.
Because we're made to be rule based, especially when it comes to social groups, our "should" becomes a rule - I MUST work out.
The rule then becomes a moral judgement "only BAD people break the rules"
and that then often snowballs into a personal attack on identity - "if I skipped my workout and broke the rule, *I* must be a bad person!
Over time, this can snowball.
But that leap — from behaviour to identity — isn’t logical. It’s learned.
Of course it doesn't work that way, you might not work out because you're not feeling well, or because something popped up and adding guilt to that doesn't work - I mean, seriously, has having that heavy feeling of guilt EVER worked for you long term to get you to do something?
I know it hasn't for me. What's worse is, is that that negative feeling gets "tagged" as a workout feeling... which means when you think about working out, you feel badly about it. You end up shooting yourself in the foot over and over again.
Because we're made to be rule based, especially when it comes to social groups, our "should" becomes a rule - I MUST work out.
The rule then becomes a moral judgement "only BAD people break the rules"
and that then often snowballs into a personal attack on identity - "if I skipped my workout and broke the rule, *I* must be a bad person!
Over time, this can snowball.
But that leap — from behaviour to identity — isn’t logical. It’s learned.
Society done-gone f*cked up
Society plays a HUGE role in this. We get judged for eating too much (pig!); not eating enough (control freak!). Not working out (lazy!); working out too much (obsessed with themselves!); for enjoying sex (slut!) and for not wanting it (frigid!)... It seems like you can't win. Right?
Historically it makes sense, we WANT to have strict rules about behaviour in environments that have few resources and fewer cures for disease e.g. eating too much could have lead to unfair distributions in society; not being physically fit might have lead to other people losing their lives come winter time and sexually promiscuous behaviour could have lead to the spread of disease.
But they're historical factors, not modern ones. We just haven't updated the handbook yet.
We still apply the same moral judgement we might have centuries ago (even though there's lots of evidence that that's not even true for middle-aged societies!).
So if you don’t work out one day, your brain reacts as if something meaningful has gone wrong. But in reality, nothing about your worth has changed.
Historically it makes sense, we WANT to have strict rules about behaviour in environments that have few resources and fewer cures for disease e.g. eating too much could have lead to unfair distributions in society; not being physically fit might have lead to other people losing their lives come winter time and sexually promiscuous behaviour could have lead to the spread of disease.
But they're historical factors, not modern ones. We just haven't updated the handbook yet.
We still apply the same moral judgement we might have centuries ago (even though there's lots of evidence that that's not even true for middle-aged societies!).
So if you don’t work out one day, your brain reacts as if something meaningful has gone wrong. But in reality, nothing about your worth has changed.
How do we edit the programme??
A more helpful response isn’t more pressure - it’s perspective.
Instead of: “I should have worked out,”
try: “I didn’t have the capacity today. What did I manage instead?”
That shift matters. Because guilt doesn’t actually help you improve — it just keeps you stuck in a loop.
Instead of: “I should have worked out,”
try: “I didn’t have the capacity today. What did I manage instead?”
That shift matters. Because guilt doesn’t actually help you improve — it just keeps you stuck in a loop.
Stay just a second longer
Really think about this. Does not working out make you a BAD person?
Sit with it for a moment.
Because in my opinion, no, you’re not a bad person for missing a workout or for eating too much when you know you shouldn't (or even for enjoying or not enjoying sex).
Not unless you're stealing food from the mouths of homeless children living in sub-antartic conditions, or kicking puppies as you saunter away from the gym you monster.
Your brain is just running on some very old software, and it's time we sat with ourselves long enough to update it conciously.
So sit with it, update your software CONCIOUSLY, guilt adds nothing except stress. And excess stress adds nothing but problems.
Now go and check out my YouTube channel where I'm vlogging about my journey back to fitness before I hit 40 (August is coming... ouch!) and making cool little shorts that talk about this stuff!
youtube.com/shorts/L5GhrHqe_2g?si=Jfda35b4Ex8MTIvo
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