Hi folks, as some of you might know - my name is Elle, and I'm a Clinical Neuropscyhologist/Educator who LOVES to talk about brains, neurodivergence and increasing accessibility to health, fitness and overall wellness.

If you're interested, these are the articles I used in my research!

https://neurosciencenews.com/guilt-shame-behavior-neuroscience-30065/
https://iris.unitn.it/retrieve/3ae87282-953d-41c6-ae30-bd0ff7f1c812/2023_Grecucci_shame%20MEtabrainsci-13-00559.pdf
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10156575/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5281644/
https://arxiv.org/abs/2512.13539
https://arxiv.org/abs/2603.22609
https://dl.acm.org/doi/full/10.1145/3689648

Feeling guilty for not working out? For eating too much? For taking a break?

It might feel like you’ve done something wrong — but that feeling isn’t as straightforward as it seems.

Humans didn’t evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive. And for most of human history, survival depended on staying part of a group. Being accepted meant safety. Being excluded could mean real danger.

Guilt plays a role in that system. It helps regulate behaviour by nudging us back in line when we feel we’ve broken a rule - especially social ones. If you took too much, didn’t contribute, or behaved unpredictably, guilt pushed you to correct that before it threatened your place in the group.

The problem is that your brain still uses this system today - even when the “rules” aren’t actually about survival.

So after getting a few emails notifying me of blog comments, I finally logged in to find my beloved blog, that i once spent so long curating and working on overrun by spam comments, some of them advertising things, some of them simply nonsensicle. My next order for the day is to work out what benefit websites get from leaving junk comments, but it did make me stop on by and seeing my site reduced so, I decided it was long past time to write something.

Having spent a half an hour or so (obviously that I should have spent doing something else, things haven't changed that much ;) ) cleaning out the comments, I'm here, writing.

This point in time finds me several years after my last post on this site. I think it said something like "I'll be back soon". I think that's beautifully ironic and perfectly fitting xD

I'm a few days from presenting and defending my Master's level thesis and am as nervous as a coked up rabbit being kept as a pet by a hungry wolf. Let's say, pretty nervous.

The past few years have been equal parts beautiful and brutal, studying full time as an adult that has to work full time (or close to) is definitely a vibe and I've fallen into a habit of not having any spare time, or being able to enjoy it when I do. I've fallen out of the habit of going to the gym. It's funny what our priorities become when time is stripped down to the basics... apparently mine were spending my free time with Winnie, my partner, and sleeping.

Now, as I stand on the edge of a new chapter, I've begun to reassess my life. Being so close to what you've been working for almost all of your adult life is sobering. Being older I've started asking "what really matters?". One step after the other, we follow these paths, these dreams... but where do they take us in the end?

We'll soon see ;)

I'll be back to speak more about the subject of my thesis, and the route I hope to take - which could be a new direction for this blog, but now it's time to get back to editing my presentation... I don't think squishing words together to be able to say everything will go down too well to my largely non-native English speaking audience xD

Ok, maybe I wasn't "quite" back by breakfast, but 2 years, 8 kilos, 1 house move, 2 lockdowns, 6 months without my pole mounted and several pulled muscles later I've found my way back to my blog.

How could I have left you all for so long and what was I doing? I know, I'm terrible *grins*. I've been doing lots of things, but mostly just surviving this pandemic. Like many people, my livelihood was hit pretty hard by COVID and well, the rest is to be seen in my poor, battered old bank account. 

Anyway, with all the time I've been away I've been learning what not to do.

At 32 I was disgnosed with ADHD and everything started to make more sense. It's taken me three years to make my way back to DiaryOfaPoleAddict, lots of mistakes,lots of failed and missed workouts, missing motivation and gain (and loss) of weight but finally I'm ready to come back with a purpose. 

From here on in, you can expect the following from your resident pole addict:​

• ADHD friendly techniques for maintaining a workout habit
• Self-Care and Self-Love based information posts
• Self parenting posts aimed at helping you grow psychologically
• Workouts (with pictures, instructions and equipment lists)
• Articles for the neurodiverse brain, such as: "How to Stick to a Routine when you're working with Executive Dysfunction", or "What the "Unsaid" Rules of Gyms/Pole classes are" etc
• Merch that'll help you organise yourself & work out more often!
• 
  

​And lots lots more.

As the weeks go on, and more posts pop up I'll be offering extra services, tips and articles all aimed at the NEURODIVERSE (ND) brain. During this time, if you enjoy the resources I'm preparing (or have enjoyed the resources I've already prepared on this blog) please consider buying me a "beer" here: 

You may not be ND (or you may not know it yet) but you're still welcome here and the articles will still be SUPER helpful :)

TL;DR
Motivation is important, but discipline is more so ;) Stay on track using these strategies, tried and tested by your own resident ADHDer (with resources, videos and madlibs).
1. The Ulysses Pact: a friend holds your money hostage.
2. Positive Reinforcement: not just for dogs and kids.
3.  Streamline: plan your week.
4. The One With The Red Crosses: maintain a streak.
5. Plan For Fuckups: this one doesn't need a tagline...
6. Two strategies that might not work for ADHDers... but they look so good.

I've never given up the love of the pole, or the gym, even though we were separated for a lot of time by said pandemic and now we're back, well... the honeymoon period of "wow I've missed this" has been replaced by "it's... so... hot. Skin... is melting. No want go in gym" *sweats from effort of speaking*

It got me thinking about methods of motivation, how the normal ones are simply disappointing for my "I know you'll eat the cookie even if we don't do the thing" brain and so, dear readers, I have returned to share with you the bounty of my research...

How can I motivate myself?

First of all, let's quickly consider a sub-question "what is motivation?". Motivation, in my opinion, is the drive and will to actually MAKE changes. It's what came to me one day when I was sitting at the table, tired, overweight and over-eating yet again. It's what rears its head every New Year's Day when we choose to do a billion things to improve ourselves. It's the thing that eagerly has us signing up for gyms, weight loss websites and new workout clothes (that last one isn't true. Workout clothes are awesome either way).

With that said, I feel at this point that it's important to separate motivation and discipline. It's not possible to be motivated 100% of the time, so at some point, we have to "fake it" using habits, rewards, sweet talk or straight up coercion which can be a "challenge" for the exectutively-functioning-impaired such as myself.

There are some pretty universally accepted methods of becoming (and staying) motivated to do something; social support, knowing your "why", pomodoro (and other timing) techniques, clearly setting your goals (using SMART goals) amongst lots of generic and simple ways to motivate ourselves, but it got me thinking - if motivation is so easy, why the hell is it so hard? Ok, so my brain might be akin to a particularly capricous 3 year old, who's just discovered that mum's makeup makes great finger paint at the same time mum has come to summon her to go and eat her greens and NOT spread "ruby red" lipstick over everything, but it shouldn't be *this* hard... should it?

Yes, and no. Being an ADHD brain doesn't make this stuff any easier, ironically enough, attention isn't the issue... but executive processing (the brain being able to tell everything what to do and when, using a system of priorities(1)) definitely is (2), and that's what presents the problem for most people. Us neurodivergents especially.

So... how can we get that ol' grey matter to play ball?  Generally, if it doesn't catch my attention or reward me with some sweet sweet dopamine, it will quickly be abandoned (and on I go to my next hyperfixation). How can I motivate myself?

Sit back and relax, with my summary of my favourite methods!

Ulysses (or Odysseus to the Greeks) was the guy who, when returning from the Trojan war, ordered his crew to tie him to the mast, so that he could listen to the song of the Sirens. He plugged his crew's ears with wax, and then ordered them to ignore him, and subdue him if he should escape.

Likewise, this technique uses a pact, with a resulting reward/punishment, with another person to keep you true to your goals.

​prefer POSITIVE reinforcement (still more effective than punishment or negative reinforcement) on an interval schedule (here you can choose between variable intervals, or fixed intervals depending on your needs).

That's a lot of words but what would it LOOK like?

Well, for a new behaviour it would be something like:
​
1. choose an action (work out for 5 minutes)

2. reward self for action - ask someone to praise you until you blush every time you complete this action (other options: food is usually the go to here, but that can lead to unhealthy relationships with food so something like playing your favourite video game).

For an already learnt behaviour:
1. choose the action (e.g. go to the gym)

2a. variable interval rewards (e.g. for every - 2 workouts, 1 workout, 4 workouts - go for a spa day/buy a new piece of clothing/read a new book etc).
+ seen to be more effective/less extinction of behaviour
- more difficult to organise yourself

2b. (my preferred, but less effective generally) fixed interval rewards (e.g. for every 3 workouts you do, you get to buy a new item of clothing, or a new game, or take a trip or play in the mud... etc...)
+ easier to organise than 2a
- less effective than 2a

If you ever want me to do something again, your best bet is to praise the hell out of me ... 

+ easy, psychologically backed, can cost nothing
​- can be difficult to find rewards that are substantial enough (here's where social support can come in handy)

Half of the problem with working out (for me anyway) is the transition between what I'm doing, and working out. Not getting distracted between the PC and the gym would be a miracle, but sometimes it can all seem like... too much and so it's easier to procrastinate, right? Knowing what to do in the gym, what to wear, remembering to take everything you need...

​Reasoning behind this...
This technique comes back to a psychological memory aide called chunking - the original techniques were developed as a mnemonic strategy to help people remember things (after psychologists realised that our working memory has an upper capacity - once thought to be 7 (+/- 2) items, but is now generally regarded as 4 (3)). In the mnemonic, long strings would be broken into smaller bits so that they could be remembered - 234 231 23 12 is easier to remember than 2342312312 for example. We can apply this idea outside of memory though, and break tasks into their component actions.

​Workout planning (a bit like meal planning) can help make everything easier:
1. Set aside a few minutes at the beginning of the week and decide when you'll workout, and what you'll do.
2. Make a list of everything you're going to need for your workouts that week, and put them together in an easily accessible place.
3. If you're super organised, have separate gym bags with the essentials (towel, water bottle, headphones, change of clothes) lined up and ready to go.

Running low on time or energy?
Keep a workout journal with simple, quick workouts (or use an app such as Freeletics)

​+ easy to do, suits people who (like me) love routine
​- can be a bit overwhelming, needs planning

This originated with the comedian Seinfeld, when he was giving advice to a younger actor.

The Seinfeld strategy: This is a power-punch of a strategy, as it combines positive and negative reinforcement

Positive reinforcement from the big, red Xs that reward you with a sense of satisfaction.
Negative reinforcement from "relieving" the pain of missing a day.

It's also great, as it's a calendar full of big red (or whatever colour) Xs which is a fantastic visual reminder to do your chosen task!

A calendar big enough to keep in view. You can download a template I use here :)

Or (eco version) download a streak app with a very visual widget.

1. Choose a habit, task, routine -whatever you want to stick to
2. Every day you complete the task, mark it off with a NICE BIG X (I also like to use "ticks") in whichever colour you like. Red is nice and obvious!
3. Keep your streak alive as long as you can! When/if you miss a day, note down how long your streak was in that day's box and use that as your next goal to beat!

(You can find apps, such as HabitBull that do this - although I find if it's out of sight, it's definitely out of mind!).

+ it's big, in your face, easy to remember and hard to forget. It rewards you intrisically for completing your behaviour.
- (in my experience) it can be very demotivating if you've missed a day for a reason outside of your control.

Humans aren't perfect. It's hard to accept, I know, but regardless of this it's true. Progress is generally made in a non-linear way. Sometimes you're flying, sometimes you're smooshing your face in the mud - just ask my scales about our history together but that's kind of what makes it fun.

If people believe that "failing to plan, is planning to fail" I think it's not only a fallacy, but can be REALLY detrimental to mental health. As an ADHDer, then number of times I've "messed up" has been astounding. What's worse is being punished for these "failures". It took me until I was in my late twenties to realise, and then until my thirties to accept that actually, sometimes we do "fuck up" and that's ok too. We learn from it and it gives us additional information of past errors so we can better inform our future choices.

So, plan for it. Give yourself some wiggle room.

I have a plan to fail plan template here , which you can download for free.

1. Create a plan of your goals (and mini goals if you want to include them)
2. Decide what "slipping up" might look like (e.g. I didn't go to my planned gym session or I ordered a pizza, 3 beers, two chocolate cakes and my weight's worth of ice-cream and then ate it in one go).
3. What will you do when you "slip up"?

Here are some ideas of how to handle "messing up":
1. Talk to a friend to stay accountable. Be explicit with this person about what things will be helpful to say to you in this situation ahead of time).
2. Speak gently to yourself. One rule of thumb I like to use is: would you speak to a little kid, or your dog like that? Would you speak to your friends or loved ones like that? If the answer is no... why is it ok to be that way with yourself? Imagine yourself as a child, speak gently, explaining the problem and the way in which you'd like to proceed.
3. Document the situation. What happened beforehand? What did you do? How did you feel? If it keeps happening, look back on this information to help you understand patterns. If something isn't working, it's better to understand how to fix it rather than berating it for not being right (except printers. Printers can go to hell). Be mechanical, not moral here.

+ I love this strategy, it combines a lot of great techniques to help you understand yourself and grow psychologically from your errors. It's also rewarding for me since... I love plans xD

- Can be difficult to apply in the beginning. LEarning to be gentle after years of being told to be harsh is a steep learning curve.

.I found this idea on the website of Nick Wignall (check out the article on productive procrastination here).

This SEEMS like a good idea, but if you have issues transitioning from task to task as I do (which you likely do if you're neurodivergent) it can just lead to effective procrastination. Which isn't the same thing!

Anyway, let me summarise the idea.

Since procrastination is normal, even in neurotypical people, Nick suggests building in some "free" time before your target activity. Want to go to the gym? Well, build in 10 minutes of scrolling through Facebook mindlessly before you leave. Want to go for a run? Organise 5 minutes of staring absent mindedly at the TV before preparing yourself (see... it spells danger! 😂)

Sounds good doesn't... allow me to summarise for you.
​
Set a timer for 30 minutes, in that 30 minutes do your target task ONLY but keep a "distractions list" close by. Every time you get distracted by something, write down your thought so that you can follow it up when you've finished.

So, for example, if you're working out at home, every time you want to go and do something else before you forget about it, jot it down.

I love this idea in theory and use it to not forget things while I'm out walking the dog (Google notes), but if at home it could (and can) lead to being distracted by your distractions list.

If you want to give it a go, you can find an example and a template here.

​1. https://www.understood.org/articles/en/what-is-executive-function
2. Swanson J. M. (2003). Role of executive function in ADHD. The Journal of clinical psychiatry, 64 Suppl 14, 35–39. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14658934/
​3. https://www.pnas.org/content/113/27/7459

https://jamesclear.com/motivation
https://nickwignall.com/stay-motivated/
https://foundrybc.ca/stories/5-tips-staying-motivated-even-youre-really-not-feeling/
https://medium.com/swlh/the-beginners-13-step-guide-to-motivation-3f5a62110b6b
https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/19-simple-ways-to-stay-motivated-that-actually-work.html
​https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-schedule-of-reinforcement-2794864

.Just bear with me here.


There's good evidence that dogs can recognise and perform basic calculations on numbers up to 5...

Don't believe me? Well, have a look at this, or this, or this, or even this!

So, I haven't completely lost it (no no, that begins next week when we'll start learning the alphabet) but I thought it was time that we started doing some training that will keep a certain furry someone occupied!

I prepared my flashcards, collected her favourite toys and got the treats out.... 

Life got in the way. 

I admit it, I've been making excuses for almost 3 years now, but life got in the way. 

At the peak of my exercise routine, I lived for sport. I was fit and healthy, and although I weighed more than I do now, I had a good routine and discipline.

And then life happened.

It happens slowly, you know. Insidiously. It creeps up and smacks you around the back of the head, so you didn't even see it coming.

I have a secret; only a handful of people know it, but I am TERRIFIED of water. Let me be more precise... I'm terrified of bodies of water, you know, lakes, swimming pools... the sea...

Yeah, when I see a body of water, my feet go numb, my stomach churns, I feel like I'm losing balance and the panic sets in. Now, should I be in that body of water (yes, this happens), if you ask me to put my head under water, I would assume you're trying to kill me and I would act accordingly. Expect a "cat put into a full bathtub" reaction and you wouldn't be disappointed.

In fact, just think of me as a (relatively) furless, oversized cat with no chill.

With that said, not many people know this about me - usually because I tell them that I can't swim. If you happen to know me a bit better, you'll know that isn't true. I can swim. In fact, I can swim relatively well. I'm about as fast as a rhino swimming through quicksand, but I *can* swim...

Secondly, and possibly what seems contrary to every point I've written up until now - I enjoy swimming. I love being in the water (as I said - giant, hairless, chill-less cat).

​Over the years, I've become a master at supressing my own terror, well, at least hiding it from anyone else. Usually.

So when BF tells me "Hey, babe, there's a new beginner scuba diving course starting at my school" (yes, he loves scuba diving) and then asks "you want to try it?" the part of my "self" that has all of the curiosity and none of the sense (again, refer back to cat like characteristics... I think I should have 2 or 3 lives left in the bank...) immediately says "YEAH I'D LOVE TO. Why not?" (of course, the part of my "self" that is in fact the cat that is perched on the edge of the bathtub is screaming "I'LL TELL YOU WHY NOT YOU FLAMING IDIOT"). 

I'm not sure what I thought it would involve. I'm not sure I thought at all!

Allow me to recount the tale of my first ever practical scuba diving lesson...

Today I logged into my blog's platform without thinking, I was distracted doing something else at the same time and was automatically redirected to my blog's traffic data.

I was shocked to see that there are still people visiting my blog after a year of absence - so, thanks and hi to those of you who have been visting.

Last year was both the best and the worst of my life. For so many different, painful and life changing reasons.

But here I am, a year later, I'm still poling. I'm still injuring myself. I'm still being sat on by a now 40kg Winnie (who as I'm writing is trying to shove a (worn) sock in my face and I am, octopus style, trying to reject said sock).

So it's time to accept the truth... I am a pole addict. I'm back guys, ready to regale you with tales of my successes, and my (usually embarrassing) failures.